When I see its a 1-888 number, I have this voice which sounds like the Dark Lord himself has picked up the phone when one of his minions has been changing the grapes, you know, has been busy with Tantalus.

"Depends?"

"You think the Dark Lord has an opinion on absorbency factors...there are no undergarments in Hell!"

"Begone I say with your fruity nasal-toned barely concealed servile invectitude...wait!"

"Say, I could use someone like you down here...let's see, you're due here in six months anyway...you want the job?"

Usually stops them dead in their tracks.

*Written on 'bended knee homage' to earlier Penguin article on HR Dept. in Hades.

See: https://medium.com/lucid-nightmare/to-sisyphus-from-jan-in-human-resources-9bec1fa21696