My grade four teacher laughed at me when I asked if the penguins were friends with the mighty walrus: think cowboy birds riding enormous red-eyed beasts named Quinn.

"Ha, Wakeham you dolt. There are no penguins in Canada..."

Until now!

"The one time I collapsed and coughed up blood, I apologized to the paramedic for wasting his time..."

This phrase is so Canadian that as citizen 710 -*** - 160, I have hereby sent a formal letter to our Prime Minister instructing that a fearless chimerical 'Arctic penguin' replace the unicorn on The Great Seal of Canada.

This is of course as close to sedition as it gets in the Great White North but sometimes you gotta drop the gloves.