Bob the Dog and the Double-Headed Dildo

Now what have you got there?

Around three years ago, Bob the chocolate brown lab and I were out for one of our adventure walks along the rocky shores close to our local university.

I threw out a heavy stick and while Bob thrashed his way through the shallows, it sank beneath its splash: Waterlogged.

I remember thinking, “Oh well, he’ll spend some time looking for it. Might as well sit down and enjoy the ferry making its white-hulled way past Bowen Island to dock at Horseshoe Bay.”

The Importance of Wearing One’s Best Underwear

Little did I know that Bob was about to return an item from the briny depths which would remind me of my mother’s warnings to always wear clean underwear when out in public.

You know the one: ‘You might get into an accident and then the nurses and doctors will see the tattered threads. Always wear your best. Always.’

“Your mother’s right,” my father said, “You never get a second chance to make a good first impression.”

What Bob happily deposited at my feet was not a waterlogged stick but instead a 16-inch long double-headed dildo.

Without hesitating, I stood up and threw back it out as far as I could lest someone see me and incorrectly assume that I was getting even with my wife and her lesbian lover by…