Bathroom time evaluator.

If there is a process for nominating 'friends' to the Unsayable Superpower Hall of No Shame, then please consider the uncanny skill of my friend Cheryl.

At social gathreings, Cheryl would often position herself by the bathroom door. Since she is of Hungarian descent and therefore related to Houdini, I often sat by her for 'poof', she'd make my frown dissapear with interesting conspiratorial questions while welding an imaginary butter knife, criss-crossing a piece of bread: 'ever wonder if 'may-oh-naise' is a word meant to be spread as it sounds?'

Then she'd look at a bathroom bound partier and whisper, "Two minute pee."

Or

"Five minutes', long sitter, for sure."

Or

'Tidy dumper. Two minutes and ten seconds tops. Mother overpraised her, poor girl.'

Or

"Mr. Greasy. And there's a crossword book and pen in there...I checked. Eight and a half minutes. "

She had one of those early calculator swatches. With a distracting wave of one hand, she press the timer with the other.

Surely the fact that she was right so many damn times should earn her a spot in your Un-CV-able Hall of Fame?

Please.