A good Aussie cobber o'mine is a ship's carpenter and once plied his trade on Port Phillip Bay.

Decades ago, the Royal Yacht Britannia was anchored and he received an urgent and desperate call.

It was a Saturday night and no other than he had picked up.

His job?

Apparently one of the outer heads was not totally soundproof and SHE was not amused.

You mean, I asked.

Yes, one must not hear the royal toot and tinkle whilst taking one's promenade...just wouldn't do, would it?

And so in the dark of night, a tender picked him up and as he said to me, 'Twas skulduggery at its best and figured I'd best tell the Captain that I could keep a secret, wanted to see the grandkids and the Hawks win the cup.'